This New Year, I’ve decided to make some resolutions. I’m sure everyone is dying to hear, so I’ll go ahead and share.
1. Stop watching Maury. There is nothing good about this show, yet I continue to watch it because it’s so hilarious. My bucket list even features going to watch it live! It’s just so ridiculous. But it’s a terrible show with no value and I really should stop.
2. Stop imagining what it would be like if certain people were hit by buses. I mean, it’s a hilarious image in my head. But it’s
kind of really mean. And if these people were actually hit by buses would I actually find it funny and be happy? Of course not. So imagining this is not the kind of thing I should be spending my time doing.
3. Start exercising more. I mean, I’m a healthy person and I used to exercise a lot. But ever since I messed up my knee and had to have surgery and what not, I have just been so lazy. “Can’t exercise today. My knee is swollen!” Get over yourself, knee. Exercise!
4. Live in the moment more. I like to call myself Little Miss Always Thinking Ahead. I come up with every possible scenario in every possible situation and I prepare for it. When I should just be enjoying myself, I become Little Miss Thinking Ahead. When I become LMATA, I do not just live in the moment and I become my own Debbie Downer. And nobody likes a Debbie Downer.
5. Stop acting like a Lucy. My friend and I have this theory that I have this alternate personality (we came up with this after watching Sybil in our psych class) named Lucy. Lucy hates boys and never wants me to be happy. I think I spend a lot of my life being a Lucy. This is partially because I am LMATA, but also just because of my personality, I guess. So this year, I’m going to quit being Lucy.
6. Tell someone how I really feel. Sometimes, I’m really good at being LMATA, so good at being LMATA that I keep my mouth shut because I worry about how people will respond. This, obviously, is not a good tactic because I never get what I want because I’m afraid to ask. Sometimes, LMATA just needs to shut up and allow me to say what I mean without just being NICE (no, that is not an acronym).
7. I need to keep my mouth shut. I know I just talked about how I needed to say how I feel, but my other problem is that I hate silence. So, I just ramble. But my rambling has no meaning because I can’t say how I feel and I end up talking about how there’s a species of gay penguins. Or what I learned on Dr. Phil. I’m really good at talking when I shouldn’t, but I’m not good at talking when I should.
8. Express feelings. Brennan (Bones) has this issue too. I’m not good at expressing how I feel. Feelings make me uncomfortable. This is especially a problem when other people tell me important things that they are upset about and I’m terrible at consoling them. I mean, they’re just feelings. Inanimate objects. They’re not going to kill me. Just talk about feelings every once in a while, self.
There it is. My list of resolutions. Yours are probably cooler.