Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Charlie Brown.

Tonight, I was watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” and I realized just how many things the Peanuts have taught me.  I mean, Charlie Brown has been through everything with me.  We’ve been best friends since I was in, like, second grade.  So here’s an abbreviated list of all of the things I have learned:

1.  Never kick a football.  Just give up, Charlie.  Lucy is never going to allow you to actually kick the ball.  Ever.

2.  Speak your mind–thanks, Lucy!  She’s taught me so much about honesty.  For example: Lucy is honestly one of my role models.  I named my dog after her when I was little.

3.  Any girl who dresses like this…

…is obviously a lesbian.  I even looked it up on wikipedia, and sometimes men do her voice in the movies!  Woah.  Bet you just learned something new.

4.  Dog houses are also airplanes and can sometimes be decorated for special occasions.  By your dog.

5.  You are never too old for your blanket.  Thanks, Linus.  You helped me get through middle school.

6.  Those who do not regularly bath will have a cloud of dirt around them and no one will really want to be their friend.  And their name will eventually become Pig Pen.

7.  Get the really small Christmas tree.

8.  Be kind.  Seriously.  Charlie Brown is a nice kid.  And so is Linus.  And Lucy.  I mean, not really, but you gotta love her anyways.

Go watch a “Charlie Brown Christmas.”  Your life will change.

Merry (almost) Christmas!

How to Converse with People.

You know that feeling when you don’t know what to talk about?

Well, I googled “subjects to talk about,” just so I’d that always have some awesome conversation starter when that moment of silence becomes too much to bear.  The first thing that comes up is “Topics to Talk about with Your Boyfriend.”  OBVIOUSLY, YOU CAN’T HAVE AN AWESOME RELATIONSHIP IF YOU HAVE TO GOOGLE WHAT TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, GUYS.

But anyways, one of the links was “Fun Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend.”  I click on that.  It suggests coming up with a list of questions to ask a new boyfriend.  One of the great examples they give is, “what did the kids in your town do on the weekend?”   Excuse me, ehow.com, but since when did guys ever want to talk about what they did as kids in their hometown?

It also suggests questions like, “If you had a million dollars and twenty days to live, how would you spend it?”  Okay, this isn’t third grade.  No one wants to play this game.

You should also, according to this website, be discreet when asking your list of “getting to know you” questions.  Don’t interrogate him, he’ll figure out that you’re reading questions off of a piece of paper, basically.

While you are questioning your boyfriend, be sure to give him food.  He’ll be much more open then.  Also, make sure that you listen to what he has to say.

I’m not totally sure how “subjects to talk about” actually translates to “ways to get a guy to never speak to you again,” but I’m sure their ideas are very effective.

If you’ve considered any of the above, please just cancel your date with that guy right now.  It’s not going to end well.

If you want to know something about the guy, just ask him.  Here are some things that should be on the top of your list:

1. Do you have a girlfriend?

2.  Are you talking to anyone else?

3.  Do you have a girlfriend?

4.  Are you a polygamist?

5.  Do you have a girlfriend?

I think you get the picture.  I’m sure there are things you should worry about like morals or whatever.  But the girlfriend thing is kind of a big deal breaker.  Just saying.

Have fun on those dates, everybody.

(this was the first thing that came up when I google imaged “boyfriend”)