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Monthly Archives: October 2011

“I Find Very Few People Scary Once They Have Been Poked in the Eye.”

I love the show Bones.  I know everyone says that they love Bones, but I really love Bones.  I watch Bones while I’m doing Very Important Things, like eating and doing the treadmill.

And, on November 3, which is kind of soon, Bones is coming back on!  For a new season!  And Brennan is pregnant!  With Booth’s baby!  I’m so excited!

Brennan is actually kind of a role model for me.  Here’s why:

1.  She looks at everything objectively.

2. She says it like it is.

3.  She knows so many random facts!  I want to know cool facts.  What a great way to insert yourself in your conversation.  When someone’s like, “my head hurts,” you can be like, “did you know the average head weighs eight pounds?”  They’ll be so amazed at your knowledge!

4.  She has a superhawt partner named Booth.  If I had a superhawt partner named Booth, I’d be like, “marry me right now.”  But she has waited and waited and waited until she felt that she was ready.  And look how that turned out!  From the promo I saw on facebook, it looks like things are going pretty well for the two of them.

5.  She totally knows nothing about pop culture.  I think that’s hilarious.  Maybe I should become like that.  People might think I’m funny then.  For example:

Sheriff: Is she serious?

Brennan: As serious as a gas attack.

Booth: Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.

Hahaha.  Think how much people would love you if you got well known sayings wrong all of the time!  Plus, I mean, look at the title of this blog.  Bones said that!  Hahaha.  I’m sure she also listens to really obscure music.

6.  You can be yourself (weird but also endearing and cute) and superhawt guys will eventually fall in love with you.  Yes!  So, someday Chad Michael Murray will LOVE me because I’m myself.  Which might be a little geeky because, you know, Brennan is my role model.

7.  You can be smart and clinical, but also have fun.  Sometimes Brennan does things that are so unlike her.  Like when she and Booth sing together and SHE PLAYS THE ELECTRIC GUITAR.  So not Brennan, right?  But very spontaneous and awesome (I’ve used the word awesome wayyy too much during this).

8.  Lastly, she has an awesome nickname.  I don’t have an awesome nickname.  Bones is pretty much the coolest name you could get.

Hopefully, by reading this, your life has been changed for the better.  Basically, you should watch Bones.

Here’s the link for that video of Booth and Bones singing together: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzOvx2AluEU

And here’s the link (because I have no idea what embedding means or how you use it) for the promo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJqGE52N48o

 

 

 

 

 

How Movies Make Life Make Sense.

I watched, like, five minutes of He’s Just Not That Into You the other day ‘cuz it was on TV. And the first thing the main girl says, you know the part about how we all lie to each other about men and blah-blah-blah, is SO TRUE.

Let me explain. So, you and your boyfriend break-up. Actually, he doesn’t even have to be you boyfriend. The guy who could possibly be your boyfriend. Whatever. But something bad happens and all of a sudden you no longer have a boyfriend/almost boyfriend/imaginary boyfriend. It’s over and you go and you listen to Taylor Swift and alsomaybe some Justin Timberlake and it’s really not very healthy probably. Then, when you’ve eaten all of the ice cream in your house, you call your friends and you’re like, “waaaaah, we broke up/he has a girlfriend/I just realized that he isn’t real. Waaaaah.” AND HERE IS THE BIG LIE. Your friend responds with, “babe, you’re way too good for him/like, oh my gosh, you’re way prettier than her/I always thought maybe you were crazy.” And you’re like, “waaaaaah, I’ll never love anyone like I loved him/thought I liked him/imagined I loved them.”

There are multiple problems with the “babe, you’re way too good for him/like, oh my gosh, you’re way prettier than her” friend response:

  1. I really liked him. I didn’t think I was too good for him. Why didn’t you tell me he wasn’t good enough for me? Nobody else thought I was too good for him. What if he’s too good for me?

  2. It doesn’t matter that I’m, apparently, way prettier than her. He’s dating her and not me. That is the problem.

  3. I really want my friends to be like, “girl, that sucks. You must be sad. Let’s watch a sad romance where everyone dies at the end” (I suggest “The Way Things Were.” Except no one dies in that one. It’s just sad).

That, my friend would be a much better response. Because, according to Ginnifer Goodwin, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Or me. See, it’s great because it goes both ways! It’s actually kind of a comforting mantra. You see that your ex has a new girlfriend? He’s just not that into me. You see that your kind of boyfriend is actually dating another girl? He’s just not that into me. When you realize the guy you’ve been crushing on is only in your dreams? You might be crazy and maybe need psychiatric help. Or you’ve watched too many cheesy romances (it happens to all of us). He’s just not that into me. It’s kind of freeing, when you think about it. Now you can move on to awesome new guys who will be into you.

So next time, if my friends are reading this, please just tell me like it is because he’s obviously just not that into me.

 

By the way, I totally love this movie and have seen it wayyy too many times.  You should watch it.  Picture via http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

A Little Christmas Story.

I know it’s Halloween time, but I was just thinking about this sorta Christmas story and thought I’d share it with the world. Or maybe the one person reading this.
Last year, we went to a Christmas tree farm to get a Christmas tree (duh), and we took my grandma’s car because it’s a Subaru and if you know anything about Christmas tree shopping, you know that a lot of times the farms are located wayyy up on a mountain. So you have to go on a little gravel road and 4-wheel drive is awfully nice for that.
Anyways, my grandpa decides to come with us. But he wants to take his truck. Cool. So he’s like, “let’s go get gas.” And we’re like, “okay” because the cars are theirs, so what can we say?  He has us pull up to the gas pump so that his truck and the Subaru are located across from each other. He fills the truck up with gas and then, WHILE GAS IS STILL SPRAYING OUT OF THE PUMP, he switches over to putting gas in the Subaru. Now there is gas all over the Subaru. Classy, right? I can’t even figure out what was running through his head. Like, “hey, let’s fill up the cars with gas. And while we’re at it, we can hose the cars down. With gas.”
That’s not all though. No, that would not be enough for my grandpa. He has to go all out.
He doesn’t put the gas cap back over the tank of his truck, right? So he’s driving down the road (and eventually up a teeny gravel road) with the gas evaporating out of his car. Awesome.
Also, he likes to drive very fast. So on that nice winding gravel road, he’s driving almost as fast as Speed Racer.  And then stopping to wait for us in the middle of the road.  Too bad we didn’t rear end him.
There is a good ending, though.
We got a Christmas tree.
The End.
Merry Christmas in, like, two months.

People I Can Relate to.

(http://www.amazon.com/Little-Miss-Sunshine-Abigail-Breslin/dp/B000K7VHQE)

My life is like a lot of comedies.  For example, when I saw Little Miss Sunshine, I almost didn’t laugh.  Because it was too much like my life.  Granted, none of us are going six months without speaking or planning on being in a beauty pageant any time soon, but that constant bickering?  Keeping the dead grandpa in the car?  That’s us.  (Except I was just kidding about the dead grandpa).

Parallels between Little Miss Sunshine and my life:

I have a very foul-mouthed uncle (similar to the grandpa in this wonderful movie modeled after my life).  He also smokes, but is attempting to quit.  He’s visiting us right now and decided to buy some fake cigarette.  Apparently it contains the nicotine without all of the tar and other stuff (whatever).  Every time he takes a drag, there’s this light that turns green on it.  And then he goes around breathing “water vapor” on us (it’s not smoke because you can’t smell it!).  Awesome.  Also, I’m sure my grandfather would be evicted from his retirement home if he were in one.

I’m pretty sure my grandmother wants to be Olive.  If she were younger and had the opportunity to, she’d want to be in a beauty pageant.  In fact, she’d probably still be telling us about it now.

I’m probably the quietest in my family.  Maybe I am the guy who stops talking for six months because he wants to join the Navy or something.  But that also sounds something like my brother would do.

And my mom doesn’t really portray any of the characters.  Were there any characters in that movie who were somewhat normal but also sometimes weird?  That’s her.  And probably me.

Okay, so it’s not an exact parallel.  Maybe it’s not one at all.  But I really related to the lives of those in Little Miss Sunshine.  It’s not so funny when it’s your reality, guys.